Day One: Something you hate about yourself.
I genuinely don’t know that I can limit it to one thing. So I won’t.
I hate that I care so much about things and people who don’t care back. I hate that despite the fact I’ve been hurt so many times I still can’t hold myself back and protect my heart. I hate that I wear my heart on my sleeve. I hate that I’m a depressive who pushes people away. I hate that I’m ill. I hate being intelligent, sometimes anyway, because if I wasn’t so intelligent then maybe life would be easier.
I hate that my life never seems to go how I want. I hate that I’m too scared to tell people how I feel. I hate that I’ve missed chances with people who will always have the majority of my heart. And I hate that when I tell someone and they leave me, that I can’t accept that they’re not good enough for me and not vice versa.
I hate that I’ve stopped being able to support other people because I’m so broken. I hate that I hate myself this much. I hate that my self esteem is non-existent. I hate that I let people take my confidence from me. I hate that I believe in love, because it clearly doesn’t believe in me. I hate being alone. I hate that I can never tell my friends how much they mean to me. I hate that I am the one who everyone worries about. I hate my brain, my thought patterns, how I look, how I feel, what I want. I hate that I have no idea what I’m meant to do with my life. I hate that even if I did know I wouldn’t have the guts to do it.
I hate that there are SO many more things I could put on this list.
I hate that while writing this, I felt like I was crying because my brain thought I should, and not because I actually felt anything.
EDIT: I hate myself for having to keep coming back to this post because I know there are so many more things I hate about myself and I can’t help but feel this is an unfinishable post, even if I had all the time in the world.
